I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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