is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
