Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
