oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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