Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
