John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
