I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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