how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
