the condom got lost in my hair
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
