So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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