allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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