i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
