i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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