we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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