That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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