The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
