I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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