You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just tell him i said nine months
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
