Already got asked if we're dating
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
