Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the day after is always just damage control
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
