Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
