so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
