Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
