best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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