I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
