remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
