kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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