Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
