i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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