No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
