see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I could make wine with my vomit
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
