Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
