Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
