I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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