promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
