he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
