I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
