In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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