Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
