Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
