We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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