Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
