Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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