I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
