I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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