so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
