so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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