having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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