Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
