So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
