I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
