He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
