Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
