Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
