i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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