the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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